Studio Reflection - June 2024

Fluidity, identity, and making progress on a long term project.

I have been yearning for days like these, heat so wet that the air becomes indistinguishable from the sweat clinging to my skin, the southern summer a lush explosion of violent green and golden sunlight, where the very sun itself is felt as a presence lingering in the air among the head-drunk scent of mimosa blossoms. It makes little sense, the primal craving I have had for claustrophobia inducing heat, the weight of the atmosphere on my chest, particularly as I’ve found myself managing flares of dysautonomia that are no doubt related to the heat. Yet I have been waiting for these long summer days with my entire being.

I’ve been going to rivers almost daily, pulling myself out to hot river rocks to willingly wilt against the ancient stones of Appalachia. There is a bone deep need to be outdoors, my skin itches (most likely from high histamine levels) within the confines of my house. My hiking bag has been packed with my river kit-a towel, a beer, dried fruit and nuts, a book, some paper, a pen, ready to sling over my shoulder after work when I escape to the river.

Needless to say, I have been taking time away from my studio. I have been photographing some, after trying to put down the camera and finding myself losing it after a couple of weeks of not making any images. Rest has been a priority, particularly after recent mental health flares and a realization that what had been working for my neurodivergent brain for so long was suddenly not working at all. 

My time out on the rivers is part of my studio practice, however. The longer that I live in this area, the deeper my relationship to several places has become. I’ve been thinking not only about the subtle changes over time that I observe, but also about the selves that have been coming to the river. How many different versions of myself has the river seen?